I’ve got a crush on my kid’s teacher

Phew. School is officially over. I can stop pretending.

I have a problem that came out of nowhere. One day, I was perfectly happy playing Tetris on my cell phone. The next day, my kid’s teacher walked out of school and I noticed that he had a really nice smile…and I felt giddy and woozy. The past few weeks, I’ve stopped playing Tetris during carpool and spent the entire time looking for my crush. Would he step outside? What would he be wearing? Golly, would our eyes meet? What if we got close to each other? What would I say? Gosh, I hope I don’t do anything stupid. I really want to talk to him, yet I’m terrified at the same time. He’s so….dreamy!

When he did appear, I devised ways to stare at him without getting caught. I’d prop up a magazine and peer over it’s edge to get an eyeful. I’d study his interactions while I pretended to file my nails. I positioned the rear view mirror so that I could spy to my heart’s content. Sigh.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a happily married woman… my poor husband is shackled with me until my last, sputtering breath. My husband is my rock, my safe place, my dude. I have no intention of ever leaving him, because who else would marry a woman with the sinus troubles of Felix Unger? Given my devotion to my spouse, this schoolgirl crush is baffling to me. Perhaps my hormones are off-kilter.

Even if I’ve begun the roller coaster ride of pre-menopausal estrogen levels, I don’t wanna fix it. I’m kind of enjoying the angst, the compulsion about whether my hair is puffy or not, the humiliation of a burgeoning pimple. Somehow, smack dab in middle age, I’ve become a teenager again; perhaps it’s infectious. My girls are in the throws of it, themselves. Maybe I’ve caught the same virus.

I just have one complaint: why did I have to go gaga for my kid’s teacher? I think the relationship between parent and teacher is complex enough; imagine how weird it’ll be with a crush in the mix? I’m going to see this fellow for the next 3 years. Knowing my propensity for social gaffes, I fear that it’s only a matter of time before I do something REALLY stupid. My poor kid is going to have to muddle through school saddled with “the embarrassingly giggly mom” every time that particular teacher appears.

There’s real reason to worry. A few days ago, he walked out of the school with an attractive teacher. I felt a shock of betrayal as I watched them saunter down the sidewalk. How could he smile at her that way? Didn’t he know that I thought he was the cat’s meow? Why was he wasting time on that nubile, twenty-something woman when he could spent an uncomfortable five minutes talking to a middle-aged woman whose chin is too small and teeth are too large? Didn’t he know how I struggled not to yell, “You’re cute!” every time I saw him?

As my eyes turned green with jealousy, a sane voice in the back of my brain said “What the heck are you DOING?” To which my insane voice answered, “But look at the breadth of his SHOULDERS! He’s so…manly.” And he is manly, folks. I wouldn’t get loopy for just any ol’ teacher. I only go for the brawny ones… who happen to teach my kids and thereby give me a fantastic way to humiliate my children for years on end. Don’t you wish I was your mother?

So, I humbly ask for your help. I’ve got a real problem here. We’re talking about the very real possibility that I will turn into a blithering idiot every time I’m at school, thereby signing my daughter up for psychotherapy at a very young age. Please, folks, how do I act like a normal human being in the presence of a hunky teacher?


This post is brought to you by Bloggers Who are Glad Their Husbands Don’t Read Their Blogs, a.k.a. BWAGTHDRTB.
We meet at For Love or Funny, every day.

Christine June 15, 2010 at 6:06 am

LOL Lynn! You are awesome! I tell my friends that it’s in our budget to start saving for our kids psychotherapy now (at least the co-payments!). It’s simply unavoidable. SLOL! (still LOL) 🙂
.-= Christine´s last blog ..Love you-now get to work! =-.

Danielle Daws June 15, 2010 at 6:10 am

LOL… Ahhhhh, that’s so funny! I used to be a teacher before I became a mum… wonder if anyone had a crush on me?? lol
.-= Danielle Daws´s last blog ..ESAD 3D Challenge =-.

marymac June 15, 2010 at 7:50 am

I think it is FAB that we both wrote about teachers today (last day of school for my kids here in Maryland!)- me about a crush on my high school teacher- you on your kid’s teacher- HA! Love this post. I had a crush on my daughter’s soccer coach one year- and she TOLD THE WHOLE TEAM including the coach so when I showed up, everyone was looking at me weirdly and one kid yells “Molly said you think our coach is cute!” Complete. Humiliation.

Thanks for stopping by today- happy to come by here as well!
.-= marymac´s last blog ..Let’s Get Freschetta =-.

Patti June 15, 2010 at 7:53 am

LOL….We have all been there!!! some just won’t admit it!! Go with pre-menopausal hormones….it shall pass….enjoy the ride!! If you do something REALLY stupid…it will be good ammo for your kids years down the road….T.R.U.S.T M.E.

Brunch101 June 15, 2010 at 8:00 am

I really do appreciate your honesty. I trust that you will handle yourself in a very dignified
manner. And, I know that this “crush” or, whatever it is, will go away completely as soon as you see the new “Lifeguard” at the pool!

Carol June 15, 2010 at 8:06 am

Ok, yesterday you made me smile today you made me fall off my chair and I have to say, I have a stool I sit on. I say, that you are finding out you are still alive. And what a wonderful way to find that out. But I think the break will do you good. And don’t worry about that fluzzy she is just a drop in the relationship pool. Giggle have a great day.

Jackie June 15, 2010 at 8:49 am

I read your post all the way to the last line, getting more excited the further I went and then…complete dissappointment! There is no picture of this stud!!!
BTW- Another great post today 🙂

Caution June 15, 2010 at 9:21 am

I had the same problem this year!!!! Got so bad I was stammering when we spoke. Then I remembered that I was old enough to be his baby’s grandmother. It was such a painful moment :/
.-= Caution´s last blog ..The Happiness Project: Summer School =-.

Cheri June 15, 2010 at 9:28 am

I read your blog every day, wouldn’t miss it. I don’t know how you come up with all of this funny stuff. Like Jackie said…where is a picture??? You tell us all this good stuff and then leave us hanging with no picture.
Maybe next year you won’t find him such a stud. And Lynn, we all have been there whether we admit it or not. No worries.

Skye June 15, 2010 at 9:33 am

Sounds like fun to me! Isn’t that why we have children? To make up for all the embarassing things our mothers did to us? I can’t wait to be a burden to my children. My mother always said she wanted to live long enough to be a burden to her children… That was always the family joke! Too funny Lynn! Thanks for always starting my day with a laugh!
.-= Skye´s last blog ..Closing Date & Under the Sink =-.

Amber June 15, 2010 at 9:52 am

My mom (and every other mom at Fillmore Elementary) had a crush on my 3rd grade teacher, Mr. Manning. I don’t know how they all resisted their impulses because he looked like Tom Seleck during his super hunky Magnum PI days! I think it’s perfectly normal and I’m glad that you’re able to recognize and acknowledge your hormones in this very public forum. 😀 If it makes you feel any better, I am hitting my 30-something prime and have been attacking my husband 2-3 times a day for the last month and flirting with anything that has sideburns. I feel your pain!
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Mira Monday’s =-.

Amber June 15, 2010 at 9:53 am

PS: May I suggest you wear sunglasses to the carpool so you don’t look so suspicious…
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Mira Monday’s =-.

Leah June 15, 2010 at 10:54 am

Too funny! I haven’t been in this situation, but my husband used to be a teacher. Of course, he was teaching in the prison system – so a crush there brings a whole new set of worries!
.-= Leah´s last blog ..The "I can’t believe it’s been a year" Giveaway! =-.

Jamie June 15, 2010 at 11:07 am

The simple fact that you used Felix Unger as an example put a huge smile on my face. I played one of the British floozies from upstairs in our high school play. I LOVE that play. I think you are completely normal. It is quite the dilemma, but as long as it doesn’t go beyond the stalker phase you should be fine. Enjoy the delight of God’s creation. 🙂
.-= Jamie´s last blog ..Back to School…. =-.

Kimberly June 15, 2010 at 12:33 pm

Seriously. You kill me! This was hilarious. And only a little scary. 😉

Mellodee June 15, 2010 at 3:00 pm

Okay, here’s the deal: It’s like window shopping at Tiffany’s….okay to look and okay to drool (discretely), as long as you stay outside the store!!!!

Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud June 15, 2010 at 6:53 pm

This is hilarious! I can totally relate. When I was a single mom, I had a huge crush on my kids’ PE teacher. Talk about dreamy! I was a bumbling idiot everytime he was near me. It was ridiculously embarrassing.
I wish I had some advice for you, but I don’t. lol Good luck with that and please keep us posted! Thanks for stopping by Marilyn. Have a great day.

Kristi, Live and Love…Out Loud
.-= Kristi {at} Live and Love…Out Loud´s last blog ..“OH NO HE DIDN’T!” Tuesday: “Take It Like A Good Wife” =-.

Rhari June 15, 2010 at 7:16 pm

I am so glad I’m not the only one who gets giggly and excited when their crush is nearby. I’m lucky in the fact that my crush is just a friend of a friend, but I admit it’s certainly straining when you’re trying not to giggle at the smallest things, or to melt when he touches you, even if it’s for the briefest moment. Just can’t help myself.

My room mate thinks I’m crazy, my Toddler thinks I’m hilarious. (She laughs when I do, imagine the giggling!!) So glad I’m not alone in my crazy crushing!

The Retired One June 15, 2010 at 8:12 pm

Sooo funny! Loved this!
Look at it this way, it could have been worse….you could have developed a crush on a Priest and been doomed to go to hell forever whilst dreaming of slowly and seductively removing his priestly collar…….! ;0}
.-= The Retired One´s last blog ..More This and That from the U.P. –Spring Photos continue (Yes, I know it isn’t Spring anymore…I’m behind! I’m behind!!) =-.

Broot June 15, 2010 at 10:41 pm

I enjoy your blog so much I posted about it today. 🙂
.-= Broot´s last blog ..“Caster, Coaster, whatever. The word is the same colour.” =-.

Lexington June 16, 2010 at 1:10 am

Yeah, it’s good, very useful, thanks 🙂

Sally June 16, 2010 at 7:58 am

I have enjoyed your emails since I signed up, but I am sorry, to me this one just isn’t funny. Not that my opinion matters much, I just had to say it.

Annah June 17, 2010 at 9:26 am

You sound like my friend Britt, she has the ONLY crush on her son’s Math teacher. It’s insane. Funny thing is, I don’t even think he’s all that. But the whole “Teacher” thing rockets him to a whole new hotness level. Meaow!

MK June 18, 2010 at 11:23 am

LOL – You are funny and I get it. I have a HUGE crush on my kid’s principal. I’m happily married too but LOVE seeing the principal everyday. Thank goodness I’m on the school board – so much more access to him.

Michelle June 19, 2010 at 8:54 pm

You are awesome! I feel like I’ve known you for years 🙂 I too have these little crushes from time to time. I had one a year ago on a fictional character in a book…Yep, I was in love with an imaginary friend. But the kicker is, I didn’t want to change one thing about my life…It just felt nice to feel butterflies… Like I was in high school. It’s nice to know that there are lots of us happily married moms that experience “hormonal fluctuations”.

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