Beware of cute little ducks

Our vacation was marred by a series of disturbing incidents.
Essentially, we were hypnotized by waterfowl.
It all started in our hotel rooms.
Ducks were everywhere…

Their purpose was clear: hypnotize the guests.
As you can see, it worked…


After dinner, we were compelled to visit the duck pond.
In addition, we had to sneak bread from our meal out of the dining room.
The bread was vitally important; we tossed it into the water as an offering to the water fowl.


I tried to break free from the spell,
but when I showed up without bread, they knew.


“HONK!”

Translation:  “Wherefore art the bread that we damandst?”
Oddly enough, the geese spoke in the Colonial vernacular.

The ducks were more demanding.


“QUACK!”

Translation:
“Next time you will bring me bread, and not the dry crusts from the floor of your car.
We want the soft homemade dinner rolls from the Inn. If you fail to comply, you will pay.”

Ducks are much more talkative than geese.
However, I ignored their edicts.
The results were frightening.


They surrounded my family and threatened to keep my kids.
Fortunately, I’m a lot bigger than a duck…and I enjoy eating poultry.
I chased the ducks away, cackling with delight as I waved a fork in a threatening manner.

The ducks knew precisely how to exact their revenge.
First, they rolled out something that was very difficult to resist:  baby ducks.


I stood firm.
I refused to be swayed by soft downy creatures.
Besides, the waiters were starting to wonder why I ordered so much bread.

And then it happened…


“Mom, why are they holding her down on the ground?”
“Geez, it looks like it hurts. She’s screaming, Mommy!!”

I tried to explain that the ducks were mating.
An uncomfortable talk about the birds and the bees ensued.
I told myself that parents need to take advantage of opportunities like this one.

I thought I handled the situation well,
until my kids caught sight of the female duck after the, er, romantic interlude.


She was missing a huge hunk of feathers from the back of her head
where the males grasped her to pin her down on the grass.

And then my kids said…
“I’m never EVER getting married and having kids.  EVER!”

Translation:
I’m never having grandkids.

This is why you should be wary of cute little ducks.

Amy July 21, 2010 at 6:13 am

Hilarious….LOL!
All I can say is……AFLAC!!!!

Voip Testing July 21, 2010 at 7:17 am

Hilarious….LOL!All I can say is……AFLAC!!!!
+1

Karn & Gerard July 21, 2010 at 7:22 am

This is so funny! We like watching ducks but never saw them mate like that! I love your kid’s reaction!
Karn & Gerard´s last blog post ..Morning Glory by LaVyrle Spencer

Christine July 21, 2010 at 9:18 am

Oh my! For years I have collected ducks, I don’t hink I’ll be able to look at them the same way again…thanks Lynn!
Christine´s last blog post ..The desk that schooled me

TechnoBabe July 21, 2010 at 10:55 am

Oh no. I would feel sorry for the female duck too. Even being grown up and understanding it is their nature, it makes me feel sorry for how the female duck gets the rough part of the mating process. I think you have many more talks ahead between you and your kids.
TechnoBabe´s last blog post ..My Mooring Lines

Jill July 21, 2010 at 11:16 am

Too funny! That poor duck. Hopefully your kids will be over the trauma by the time they grow up and you’ll get those grandkids!

carry July 21, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Amazing Pictures! I really like ducks and these ducks are awesome!

Diana July 21, 2010 at 1:52 pm

*ahem*

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you know my grandkids call me “Gramma Ducky” ??

I’m coming to get you, Lynn………………..

😀
Diana´s last blog post ..more from dad’s old photo albums

My Life Under the Bus July 21, 2010 at 6:55 pm

Oh…..well after four kids I guess that explains why I have no hair ! We got to visit the ocean and see horseshoe crabs mate. One of my little ones asked why the “lazy” crab was getting a free ride .I made the mistake of answering , ” He needs some help to finish his business.” “Oh the big crab on the bottom is a TAXI ?” …..ahem.

gigi July 22, 2010 at 10:29 am

Hi! Thanks so much for reading my post over at Scarymommy yesterday. I had to come over and read about the ducks. Too funny! You know you’re in real trouble when that end scene seems appealing to your kids instead of frightening, right?
gigi´s last blog post ..Unrequited Love

valerene matthews, malaysia July 23, 2010 at 10:11 am

hilarious! I’ve always wondered about starting a duck collection (ceramic, wooden..) cos they sell some really cute ones out there. there’s every chance I’d get obsessed and want live ones, too. love how you help me make decisions. such influence!

and yeah…same reason why I can’t tell my kids anymore about the pain I went through delivering them. I’ll be grandchildren-barren.
valerene matthews, malaysia´s last blog post ..All the Excitement Surrounding the WC otherwise titled Dont Shoot Me

cna training July 23, 2010 at 12:39 pm

nice post. thanks.

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