Our vacation was marred by a series of disturbing incidents.
Essentially, we were hypnotized by waterfowl.
It all started in our hotel rooms.
Ducks were everywhere…
Their purpose was clear: hypnotize the guests.
As you can see, it worked…
After dinner, we were compelled to visit the duck pond.
In addition, we had to sneak bread from our meal out of the dining room.
The bread was vitally important; we tossed it into the water as an offering to the water fowl.
Translation: “Wherefore art the bread that we damandst?”
Oddly enough, the geese spoke in the Colonial vernacular.
The ducks were more demanding.
“Next time you will bring me bread, and not the dry crusts from the floor of your car.
We want the soft homemade dinner rolls from the Inn. If you fail to comply, you will pay.”
Ducks are much more talkative than geese.
However, I ignored their edicts.
The results were frightening.
They surrounded my family and threatened to keep my kids.
Fortunately, I’m a lot bigger than a duck…and I enjoy eating poultry.
I chased the ducks away, cackling with delight as I waved a fork in a threatening manner.
The ducks knew precisely how to exact their revenge.
First, they rolled out something that was very difficult to resist: baby ducks.
And then it happened…
I tried to explain that the ducks were mating.
An uncomfortable talk about the birds and the bees ensued.
I told myself that parents need to take advantage of opportunities like this one.
I thought I handled the situation well,
until my kids caught sight of the female duck after the, er, romantic interlude.
And then my kids said…
“I’m never EVER getting married and having kids. EVER!”
I’m never having grandkids.
This is why you should be wary of cute little ducks.