Friends, I’m typing this in a dank, dark cell. My only source of light is coming from the screen of an ancient laptop that I found discarded under the rickety twin bed. I’m in deep trouble, because a nasty old witch lured me away from home and threw me into the highest tower of her castle.
It’s been nearly 10 hours, and the constant woosh of the waterfall is making me thirsty. I sent an email to my captor requesting a chocolate milk shake, but my plea has been ignored.
My problems are magnified by the fact that the witch claims she needs a cook, and she has recruited me to fix her dinner every night. Clearly, I’ve been kidnapped by a very stupid woman. She didn’t bother to find out if I’m a decent chef, and anyone who reads my blog knows that I’m not. I fear that she won’t be pleased when I microwave a hot dog for her and call it “dinner.”
I need to escape before the evening meal. Alas, the heavy wooden door to my room is locked; my small window is barred; and my parapet is guarded by a fearsome creature. I’m well and truly trapped.
In desperation, I sent another email to my captor and demanded that she release me, but her response was “LOL.” I resorted to the time honored method of screaming “HELP” out my small window, but I’m miles from civilization and nobody can hear me. My only lifeline is this outdated laptop, and the “low battery” indicator is blinking.
I gaze outside and wonder why this castle has a dial-up connection? Is my captor trying to drive me insane with an internet connection that keeps dropping? After many hours, I finally access Google and type “HELP, I’M TRAPPED IN A CASTLE.” I find someone named Prince Charming, and I send him an urgent message: Please rescue me. I’m trapped in the tallest parapet in the Witch’s castle.
I wait. I wonder. How will Prince Charming find me?
If Prince Charming does get past the fearsome guards, how will he reach my room at the top of the tower? Is he physically fit? Can he scale the jagged walls of the tower with his bare hands? Does he carry carabiners and rope in his leotard?
Better yet, is he smart enough to find the stairs? In order to help him, I set up a blog and detail everything I remember about the castle. I locate pictures of the castle on Google Images and post several to help my rescuer identify my tower.
I wonder what damsels in distress used to do in the days before computers…
Lynn Kellan is a romance novelist devoted to finding the love and the funny in every story. Her novella will be available in 2012, but she is always here to focus on the lighter side of life. 
"You make me start my day with a smile!" from Ravit
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I’m thinking when your Prince Charming arrives he shouldn’t be expecting you to be like Rapunzel and let down your hair.
Oklahoma Granny´s last [type] ..Scrapbooking Wednesdays
“Her response was LOL”- Hilarious Lynn! I think before computers, they sang cute little songs and “wished” a lot- In this case, you’re doing an awful lot to save yourself!
Christine´s last [type] ..Christmas in August
Those damn princes!! They are probably texting that other princess stuck in the dungeon with the dragon and not paying attention to your laptop S.O.S….
it is really hard to find a reliable prince these days, much less a knight in shining armor….
I say, fry one of those salmonella-laden eggs for the wicked witch, just a little undercooked…and while she is stuck on the toilet, steal those keys and make your own happily ever after!!
The Retired One´s last [type] ..Blooms- Blueberries and a Bunny!
“I wonder what damsels in distress used to do in the days before computers…”
You’re brilliantly hilarious!!!! LOLOL
I think they used to stick their heads outside the window and sing so birds and woodland critters could come and help them.
I love the title of this post.
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