There’s someone in my kitchen who doesn’t approve of my cooking.
He thinks hot dogs and potato chips don’t qualify as “health food.”
In other words, he’s a party pooper…
His condescending expression bothers me.
I decided to cook a healthy meal, just to show him I could.
The moment I’m criticized by a ceramic frog, I rise to the occasion.
That’s just how I roll.
Oh yeah. There’s vitamin B1, folate, and lots of fiber in fresh corn.
He seemed unmoved. And alarmingly dusty.
I reached into my shopping bag, and presto…
Can’t get much healthier than sliced tomatoes.
Chock full of Lycopene, Vitamin C, and delicious too.
Aw, come on!
What will it take to impress you?
I know! I’ll add something rich in Vitamin A…
And let’s not forget a healthy source of protein from ground turkey…
Oh crud. I dropped a third of it on the floor.
I thought about picking it up and putting it back in the pan,
but then my sanity returned and I scooped the meat off the floor and threw it away.
I blame the frog. He makes me nervous.
I began to search for his receipt, because I wanted to drive him back to the store.
He was saved by the hungry teenagers who started to swarm the kitchen.
They peered down at the stove and made scary grumbling noises.
I wondered if I had enough meat to feed a family of four?
Unlikely.
I’d have to supplement this meal with dairy.
There’s lots of calcium in milk, and we all need lots of that.
There! A healthy meal, thanks to the bounty of summer.
Oh, and a new place of honor for my froggy friend…
From now on, froggy know-it-alls will stand by old college textbooks.
They’re both useless when it comes to feeding hungry teens.
.
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Lynn Kellan is the creative force behind For Love or Funny. She is a romance novelist devoted to finding the love and the funny in every story. 
"You make me start my day with a smile!" from Ravit
{ 59 comments }
You show him Lynn! He’s so smug…let that frog know who’s the boss….
Christine´s last [type] ..Now thats a switch!
To be honest, if I dropped something *before* it was cooked, I’d just rinse it off and trust the cooking to kill any nasties *lol*
But then I’m only likely to poison myself, not anyone else…
Abigail´s last [type] ..Using tesselations to design patchwork quilt patterns
Hhaaaaaahhaaaaa…dang Frog…nothing WORSE than a judgemental frog, right??? He deserves to have to stand in “time out” near the textbooks for eternity…however a little mask over his eyes would work too….just in case he has to be forced to condescend Brownies some day…tie it on tight so he can’t see, ok??
The Retired One´s last [type] ..Antique Car Show- Part FOUR
I love that frog! You could always stick him in front of whoever complains about your cooking. He could give them a nice, silent scolding while you enjoy your dinner.
Hmm…Maybe I should get a frog like that for our family dinners. lol.
What a kick, I can tell you that a frog will never be happy if it’s not vegetarian. He looks a little picky, might move him to the closet. Patrolling the dirty laundry. Giggle.
I love your frog! I have a frog in my kitchen too!!
Stephanie@Geezees´s last [type] ..Summer wrap upChristmas is coming!!
I hate cooking so I’d never have a frog like that in my kitchen. Maybe a fat, ceramic chef giving me a high-five. Like hangers in my cupboard that say, “You look good in this”. I don’t have either of those things but no harm dreaming…sigh.
Valerene Matthews´s last [type] ..Part 2 of Why I Love my Job
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
lol Just thought I’d share that !!!!!!!!! kytah00@yahoo.com
Angel @ Hypnotic Blend Giveaways!´s last [type] ..live and learn and pass it on H Jackson Brown
Umm, aren’t we supposed to share a funny story to enter to win? I read the comments above and none of them are sharing a funny story. I’m going to share a funny story because that’s what I think the rule states. So here goes:
I was walking on the treadmil at the gym, minding my own business when this gorgeous guy decided to walk past me. I turned around to watch him go by, lost my footing and proceeded to do a face plant on the treadmill making a fool out of myself in front of someone I was hoping to perhaps get to know in the future. Several people around me were trying their hardest not to laugh but I must admit it was pretty funny.
Thanks!
well this is my sister’s story, but i have permission to use it. When she was learning to bake, she couldnt tell the difference betwen salt and sugar, so she added 1.5 cups of salt instead of 1.5 cups of sugar to a cookie recipe, and needless to say they were NOT edible!
My husband works in education and his kids were coloring pictures of themselves, and this one little boy walked up with a picture that was only half done, so my husband asked the kid, why didn’t you color the boy in the picture in? He’s blank, and the boy replied “I can’t find the caucasian marker” We thought it was cute
Mjf926 at mail dot com
Email: bluegirl1423@gmail.com
Comment: My story consists of a cat that likes water and a toilet. Our cats usually jump up onthe toilet lid to get to the sink for some water, but I dont think they realized that we have to put the lid down before they can jump up, and one day our little boy kitten jumped up, not thinking,and in he went . . . so we had to wash him off, as we hadn’t flushed yet :-/
Here is a “funny” story, but more like frustrating:
Our brand new Amana dishwasher broke 10 months after we got it, so we had one ocmpany out, then another company out to fix it, only to find out the part we needed was backordered for 2 months, so they decided to replace it, so we waited 3 weeks for that to come in, and when they came to deliver it, we found out it wouldn’t fit . . . so now it’s been 3 months and we are still without a dishwasher . . . funny, isnt it?
seanm1999 at hotmail dot com
My cousin was visiting us from Europe and offered to cook spaghetti – we were thrilled! (I most of all, as this meant a night off of cooking for me.) I decided to use the free time to get a little shopping done. We use sea salt on our food, which we purchase in bulk, and it is kept in a non-descript plastic container. On my way out I shouted to him that all our condiments were in the cupboard above the stove.
The food looked great. There was something terribly wrong, however, with the spaghetti sauce. We were all trying to be polite and eat it anyway, but finally my daughter blurted out, “What is wrong with this food?” and we all had to admit that there was something terribly wrong. After perusing the condiments he used to flavor his spaghetti, we came to the realization that he put powdered Vitamin C ( – also in a non-descript plastic bottle) in the sauce instead of salt! So we ended up with take-out pizza that night.
Note to self – must label the non-descript plastic bottles.
My son asked the lady at the Target checkout why her skin was so wrinkly. I could have just melted into the floor I was so embarrassed! Why do they never say the embarrassing things quietly??
Ok here is my funny story…or my husband thinks its funny because he likes to repeat it all the time….This was years ago when we first started dating, I decided I would make him lemon chicken for dinner that night. Before I left for work that day I put the chicken in a ziploc bag to marinate with an entire bottle of lemon juice..ya you see where this story is going! When I got home I saw the chicken had actually soaked up all the lemon juice and turned yellow, I was 23 years old and had never really cooked a meal before so I just thought oh how cute! LOL. Cooked it and served it to my DH..boyfriend at the time, he took one bite and said “hmmm, yum?”. I smiled and took a bite….tasted like Lemon Palmolive dishsoap…HORRIBLE!
It wasn’t funny at the time but I actually once blew up the stove. Now it wasn;t like it totally blew up but I was cooking pasta and the water spilled on the flat top. This stove was old so the water leaked into where the heating elements are and it sizzled and popped and ons of black smoke came out. Luckily the breaker turned off and besides some smoke & the fire alarm going off, it was fine. The alarm company called and checked onme and I said, it;s fine. Nothing is going on. THey sent the fire dept anyway. So 2 fire trucks show up with about 10 firemen. The problem, I am in my jammies with my hair up like Pebbles Flintstones and I look like heck. They all came in, checked everything out and left. When I looked out the whole neighborhood was out. It was embarrasing but now funny!
Carolyn G´s last [type] ..Eucerin Skin Care Giveaway!!! 2 Winners!
Way back when Julia Child had her TV show, she dropped something on the floor. She picked it up, rinsed it off, and said, “Remember, if this happen to you, that you’re alone in the kitchen where no one can see you!” and then went blithely on.
Oh heck, I’d have picked it up off the floor..5 second rule, ya know
Not to mention heat kills everything.
I have a tendency to burn anything I’m making and constantly set off the smoke detector when I’m cooking. My husband, children and I went to a restaurant for dinner and as we sat there, someone’s pager went off across the restaurant and it sounded just like our smoke detector. My son turned to my husband and said “That sound means dinner’s ready at home!”
And last week I attempted to modify a banana bread recipe I found online. I pulled it out of the oven and let it cool, but apparently not long enough. I flipped it over to take it out of the pan and it broke apart all over the cooling rack except for the bottom part of the bread which was burnt to the bottom of the pan. Apparently adding buttermilk powder and extra bananas was not a good idea. Even the dogs wouldn’t eat the pieces.
I’d rinse it off and chuck it back in for slightly longer
But that’s just me x
Can you pick supper off the floor and put it back in the frying pan? Absolutely! ….unless it’s soup….!!!!
I’ve always put my faith in the ’3 second rule’…but first, I take a quick look to see how clean the floor is.
J.J.´s last [type] ..This is what I do when Im bored
What “3 second rule?” I’m the only cook in the house and there is only one rule. Rule number one – “Eat what you are fed or go hungry.” My husband conveniently burned everything he ever grilled when we were first married so I can’t even get a break on a man and his grill. It’s still ground turkey when it’s on the floor, right? Then when you pick it up, if the dog hasn’t already devoured it, brush off the dirt, put it in the pan, cook till done and voila you have the meal you had hoped for and no one is the wiser. Well, unless you have a talking dog that is! If that’s the case you shouldn’t be cooking anyway. Take that dog on the road and make some money with him working for a change.
One night, a few co-workers at the computer data center where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our boss thought that, since we work with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet. After we contacted a fast food chain’s web site and spent a long time registering as new customers for the delivery service, a message appeared on the screeen: “Thank you for your business. You will be able to order food in three days.
We were starving!!!!!
gmissycat@yahoo.com
I hate to say this but I’d wash it off. When you have hungry teenagers in the house, feed them.
I need a frog in my kitchen staring up, repulsed at what I grab for myself to munch on. He’d grow fangs with anger.
So follow my link back to peer into the hilarity of my camera savy comedians!
I loved this post. Funny frog shots and AMAZING close ups of healthy, delicious-looking food. Too funny.
When I was little, I was nicknamed RheaFrog. (Ray Frog) Apparently, as a baby, I slept in a position that looked like a frog, and to my horrow, the name has forever stuck. Not the best nickname for a little girl. How about Rhea-Ladybug or Rhea-Pony? Nope. FROG.
Rhea´s last [type] ..Really Racetrac Not the best ad campaign
Too funny….
Your floor looks plenty clean to me, and I’ll admit that we joke about the 5-second rule in our house…if you can pick it up within 5 seconds of dropping it, it’s all good. Now, that being said, I have dropped meat on the patio while grilling….that becomes a good ol’ dog treat.
ohh, I love Laughing Cow! How funny. I’m just nasty I guess, because with six kids there is no way I am wasting food. Now I might not eat any though. Is that more wrong? lol
We would probably pick it up and use it… unless the floor was really yucky that day
If it was something we were eating uncooked, I would throw it out. We have five kids, so our standards are pretty relaxed by now.
You know it gets bad when your inanimate objects start judging you! I think you showed him! And you have forgotten the kind of protection you could have given your children by just dusting off the meat and putting it back in the pan. After all, there *is* such a good thing as good bacteria, right? LOL
By the way, I would have just turned the frog to face the wall. He is rather condescending with that look…what a killjoy.
I wash it off, and cook it. I have been doing it for so long – 5 kids worth of years. I did it one day with my 16 year old there – freaked her out, and she still doesn’t believe me when i say i have been doing it for so long – not that i drop much, but i won’t waste it for fear of a little dirt!
Re: the frog – if he’s worth his weight in gold, he’ll keep the flies away, and if not, he has no room for criticism!!
funny story – or not – in learning to cook on my electric stove, i found out that oil will ignite, and burn pretty black patterns on the ceiling. and that baking soda is perfect for putting out fires. and that in a pinch, i can really move fast!!!!
(long time ago, that happened)
Hells, yeah! The 5-second rule remains in effect– rinse that baby off, and back in the pan. Plus, the cooking will kill any possible germs!
Absloutely!!!!
I can’t believe you have never heard of the 10 second rule. When you drop anything on the ground or floor what ever you have 10 seconds to pick it up before it gets contaminated. It dosent matter what it is dinner, baby binky, retainer, anything. What the family dosen’t know won’t hurt them.
This is as funny as I get (I’m pretty serious)! My son always hated sweet potatoes when he was little–this was to the point where if we asked him to try one he would gag. One day, we had lunch at my sister’s. We had burritos. My son said they were the best burritos he had ever had. Guess what? There were sweet potatoes in them! We tease him to this day!
My funny story is funny now but not so funny at the time. Our AC was broken and it was in the middle of July in the Florida heat. We had box fans set up in our bedroom and my dog had just come in from being out in the backyard. He jumped on the bed and shook himself in front of one of the fans. The dirt from his fur was moved by the fan and hit me in the face! LOL
Thanks!
JulieD´s last [type] ..Komen Tampa 3-Day for the Cure Expo
One morning I had a glass of milk before work, and I remembered that there was about half a gallon left. Later that day, my husband called me and asked me to pick up milk on the way home. “He must have been really thirsty,” I thought. So I picked up the milk and later that night I went to get a glass out of the cupboard. And there was the half empty carton milk, in the glass cupboard, where I had put it before I went to work. Oops.
Yea I’d have picked it up, checked it out for its yuckiness factor, rinsed it off and then hoped for the best. Pretty sure the heat would have killed off anything yucky, right?
Funny story: ummm, yea I’m drawing a blank on the funnies right now. But I swear I have funny things to say. No really, I’m not one of those unfunny people who swears she is funny. I really am funny! I swear.
Jessica @Debt_Princess´s last [type] ..DPs Frugal Tip of the Week
Funny story: in college I had an internship. All of my roommates were still asleep. I grabbed a bottle of water, my keys, and bag and left in the dark. Mid-meeting with a new client, I reached into my bag without looking and took a big swig of white vinegar. I then proceeded to act cool and collected as if that was the most normal thing in the world!
In our house, we have the 5-second rule… you get 5 seconds to grab the food that dropped on the floor, it’s still good within that amount of time.
Of course, delectability can be greatly altered if you take time to look at the piece of food when you pick it up and see cat hair, fuzz, dirt, etc. sticking to it.
Ick.
LOL!
Diana´s last [type] ..hummingbirds
As long as there are no visible nasties on the meat, just cook it anyway! Since you hadn’t cooked it yet the heat can probably get rid of any bad stuff.
Not a “real” cooking story, but so very funny. My husband had to dig up a pipe in the backyard to fix it. When he was done, he was going to seed it over, but the boys loved to dig in the dirt, so we decided to leave it for them to play in. A few weeks ago – the day after a rain – they went outside to play and I was getting dinner ready, doing chores, etc. I could hear them, but was so surprised after almost an hour that there was no fighting, yelling, crying, etc. I was thinking to myself, boy, they are getting along so nicely, I have such good boys maybe we can go out for ice cream after dinner as a treat. I stepped outside to compliment them on their behavior, and this is what I was greeted with
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2049417&id=1330555949&l=d4efff91b6
I must have said something like “What possessed you?” and my youngest (the one covered from head to toe) said “I was making mud pies for dinner, but the recipe went all wrong!” I could not do anything but laugh, but needless to say, the area was seeded by the weekend!
tweeted
http://twitter.com/fairydancer35/status/22842496893
When I was younger I would head off into the hills for quiet time on the weekends, just me and my dog. I’d take enough food for two and she would eat the same as me. I always brought steak for the first night. One evening as I prepared dinner and was carrying the steaks from the cooler to my prep area I tripped on a rock and dumped both of them onto not a floor, but the ground… dry, dusty soil coated one side of the steaks. What to do, what to do. Well the only thing a girl could do, I picked them up and rinsed them off with water, looking around to make sure that none of the other campers saw me do it, seasoned them up and threw them on my grill over the fireplace. They were the best steaks I’ve ever had while camping… the only downside to this story is that the odor the steaks left on the dirt called out to a small brown bear in the middle of the night, and for just a moment I thought the dog and I might end up being his supper.
Malana´s last [type] ..My Little Picasso
I wanted to fry some fish recently and was out of breading for it. I looked in my freezer and found what I thought was some flour breading from the last time I had fried fish. Not exactly – it was powdered sugar left over from Christmas cookie baking. Luckily I figured this out before I started frying them.
tweeted: http://twitter.com/KerryBishop/status/22914198337
One time, I made a pot of spaghetti with my grandma. She had a can of dog food on the flat top stove and it overheated and exploded…we can assume, there were “bits” (or kibbles maybe) in the sauce. When I suggested throwing it out, my grandma just smiled and fed it to the (unaware) family anyway.
I didn’t eat that night
Kacie´s last [type] ..Happy 12 Months and 1 Week Gemma!
Was blessed with an old-world grandmother. Although she didn’t teach me how to cook, I had an expectation of a high level of home cooking.
When I went to college some young women tried to impress me with a “home cooked meal.” Well, they (the dinners) were disasters.
I learned to feed myself, simple meals, likely solely by osmosis.
The young women would throw up their hands, as if in surrender, and I had to do the cooking.
If something falls on the floor I throw it away.
Living with a very hairy cat doesn’t allow for a whole lot of cleanliness….
I was supposed to make deviled eggs for a party, so I put the eggs on to boil and sat down at my computer. I became engrossed in what I was doing and forgot about the eggs…until I heard a small explosion in the kitchen. All the water had boiled out of the eggs and the eggs had gotten so hot, the yolks were exploding out of the eggs and shooting across the room! I’ll never live that down!!
bleatham*at*gmail.com
shelly aka allysmama´s last [type] ..Ten Tips for a Cleaner- Greener Home
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