I made a horrible mistake.
I decided to take down the wallpaper border in my kitchen.
I promptly discovered that wallpaper is the devil’s handmaiden.
Once you allow it to grab hold of a tiny part of your house, it seeps down and adheres to the deepest recesses of the drywall. There’s no escaping it. You will scrape until your arms ache. You will plead with the Universe for help. You will spill wallpaper remover into your hair and you won’t care.
No matter what you do, that wallpaper is forever imprinted on your walls…
It will never, ever leave. Sure, it may look like it’s coming off your wall, but it’s a cruel joke designed to lull you into complacency. Once it dries and you stand back to admire your handiwork, you’ll see the evidence: a dry residue still remains, mocking you and your puny efforts to update your home.
You will say things that you will regret. Of course, your children will overhear the colorful words leaving your mouth, because kids are like sponges when it comes to remembering new vocabulary words that convey anger and dismay.
If you’re lucky, your husband will be home so he can whisk the kids away,
and explain that “Mommy needs some quiet time…it’s the wallpaper’s fault.”
While they’re going to get ice cream, it’ll give you time to compose the apology letters that you will have to write to your children’s teachers when your kids decide to use some of the words they heard spilling out of you in frustration.
On the bright side, it will give you a chance to get to know your kid’s teachers early in the school year. Perhaps they’ll have some good ideas about how to remove wallpaper.
Lynn Kellan is a romance novelist devoted to finding the love and the funny in every story. Her novella will be available in 2012, but she is always here to focus on the lighter side of life. 
"You make me start my day with a smile!" from Ravit
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Have you tried boiling water and a mop? Steam will also work if you have a steamer. I just bought a cheapo spongehead mop, dunked it in a pot of boiling hot water, squeezed most of the excess water out, and slapped it up on the wall. Paper and glue peeled off so much easier that way! And I had 2 layers of butt-ugly ’70 wallpaper – one was shiny silver with gold wheat sheaves on it and the other was bright orange with giant yellow daisys all over it. *shudder*
Elizabeth´s last [type] ..School Supply Shopping
This reminds me of the “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” story.
I totally agree about wallpaper. Wouldn’t have it here if I was paid to put it up.
Visiting from SITS!
Lois H.´s last [type] ..Bachelor Pad- I think I need a prophylactic
I feel for you. I have been there so many times myself and now have swore off wallpaper forever, and I love the look.
You poor thing, I do not envy you. We have wallpaper free home for these very reasons. Plus, I kind of like being married and all!
Christine´s last [type] ..Prince Two is no longer blue
I have a confession…
In our old house I bought 6 gallons of Kilz (sealer) and a tube of wallpaper glue to fix peeling corners etc. I fixed any loose pieces, waited for the glue to dry, then I painted the Kilz over the hideous flowered wallpaper in my livingroom and diningroom. Once that was dry I painted the rooms the colors I had picked out.
I have to say it came out awesome.
Frannie´s last [type] ..Its Genetic
This is exactly why I bought a house without wallpaper inside. My home is 103 years old– not sure how I lucked out.
Seriously cute blog!!! And I TOTALLY agree! My hubby and I were once asked to strip wallpaper off a house for a job and it was the DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!! We used a steamer, spray on stuff, knives, swear words, muscle, ANYTHING and it was so impossible to get it all down.
You should try the spray on oven cleaner – spray it on (with the windows open) and wait a short while and the wall paper and glue practically fall off
It has been my opinion for a long time that wallpaper is evil. Pure. Evil.
Visiting from SITS.
Amy´s last [type] ..Project 365- Week 6
LOL! Yeah hubby has been chiding me on my colorful language. I still view it as non-colorful…but apparently I am biased (says Mr. Man over here…). I hate wallpaper too. In fact recently, when hubby and I were apartment hunting; whenever I saw wallpaper in a house I was firm in my decision of: “You have got to be kidding me”. LOL
Imperfect Momma´s last [type] ..Somehow
You were mentioned on my blog site today! http://bartz-mrszwahl.blogspot.com/
I hope you find a way to make it better. I refuse to ever put up wallpaper because one day I would inevitably have to take it down.
M @ Betty Crapper´s last [type] ..Apple Cake
I remember years ago my mom helping my grandma clean wallpaper in her house. Wow, how time consuming it was. They used some product that looked like a softball size ball of something that resembled playdough (not playdough). Then rubbed the entire surface of the wallpaper with it! Is that how you clean it nowadays?
I have had the unfortunate task of removing wallpaper too (using a sprayer bottle of water and vinegar), a scraper, and A LOT of elbow grease – definitely not fun! Did you try the water/vinegar mix to get rid of the glue residue?
Oh, I hear you Sista!!! And to think I put border up ALL OVER in our old Victorian house that we moved out of 6 years ago! I am sure the new owner screamed our names in vain many times….ah, heck…that’s what she GETS for bargaining us down on the price. (insert my evil laughter here).
Now, I don’t like ANY wallpaper or borders…I live in a log home and just enjoy the wood so much, I wouldn’t cover it up for anything!
Just look at it this way, now you get to change the color of your walls by painting them and then getting new curtains, and of course now the dishes won’t match or the cookware, so you can get them new too …see? Not so bad of a deal, after all…..
The Retired One´s last [type] ..Antique Car Show- Part ONE
Our kitchen is wallpapered on one wall, with a border at the top. It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen, decorating wise. Even stripped paint would be more attractive. Yeah, it’s THAT ugly. lol!
Great article, thanks for sharing this. I have subscribed to your RSS feed and am looking forward to reading more from you.
Keep up the good work and don’t stop posting please.
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