I know how the dinosaurs died.

by Lynn on September 21, 2010

A long time ago, huge creatures walked the earth.
Their mammoth feet crushed massive trees and pulverized boulders.
They gobbled up lesser creatures and drank entire lakes to slake their thirst.

Their screeches were loud enough to rupture eardrums and explode plants.
Yes, they were even louder than Van Halen, The Who, and Barry Manilow.


Then for some reason, the dinosaurs disappeared.
What powerful force of nature spurred the extinction of such terrible creatures?


Scientists can’t make heads or tails of the mystery.
I, on the other hand, know exactly what happened.
The evidence is clear as day. I can see right through it.


No, a rogue meteorite didn’t kill the dinosaurs. Sudden global cooling from a thick veil of volcanic ash didn’t do it either. In fact, the dinosaurs never started smoking cigarettes. Their diets were high in fiber and low in fat, so their cholesterol levels were good.

I know the real reason why the dinosaurs died…


They were killed by a fearsome creature with terrible breath.
Her funky halitosis stopped the massive dinosaurs in their tracks.
She took advantage of their stupor and gnawed off their heads and tails.

Quite frankly, she didn’t do it because she was hungry.
She did it because she was bored.


I shudder to think of the damage she’ll do if she ever gets angry.

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