Happy New Year!
To celebrate, I gained ten pounds.
As it turns out, celebrities love women with extra girth.
Yep. Nate Berkus asked me to decorate his living room.
Afterwards, I festooned my little house with lights.
Of course, I kept things classy and understated.
Santa was a bit stunned by the decor.
By mistake, he replaced my dog with a far larger model.
I missed my little dog, so I gorged on cake and cookies to ease the pain.
My cholesterol levels reached new highs, and I had a brief out-of-body experience.
Happily, my spirit traveled up rather than down. I caught a rare glimpse of heaven.
As always, I had my camera with me. Here’s a snapshot of what you can expect to see:
Don’t worry. All the books are free in heaven.
And there’s always a comfy chair available.
What do you think heaven looks like?