If your neighbor won’t stop flirting with your husband…

by Lynn on August 7, 2013

Don’t marry someone good-looking.
You’ll spend the rest of your life fending off the competition.
If you made the mistake of marrying someone “hot,” then follow this advice.
When your neighbor won’t stop flirting with your spouse, invite her/him on a road trip.

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Take her/him to a hotel in Atlanta in August. Share a room on the thirty-fourth floor.
While you unpack, mention how much you absolutely adore your spouse.

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Nudge your neighbor close to the window.
Tell her/him you have a problem. Sharing isn’t easy for you.
Actually, you share feelings just fine. Sharing your spouse is the problem.

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Tell your neighbor the notion of sharing your spouse makes your insides vibrate
like you’re inside a thundercloud on the 34th floor of a hotel in Atlanta.
A demonic laugh will drive home your point quite well.

At this moment, you’ll notice a sheen of sweat on your neighbor’s brow.
He/she will blink rapidly. He/she will mutter something incomprehensible.
You’ll lean closer and he/she will promise never to flirt with your spouse again.

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When the skies clear, offer to buy your neighbor dinner.
They’ll decline and ask to go home. Accept their plea graciously.
Drive home and drop them off at the curb. Watch them scurry into their house.
Check your hair in the rear view mirror. Walk into your living room and make out with your spouse.

Repeat as necessary.

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How do you fend off unwanted flirtation?

Kim @ Homesteader's Heart August 7, 2013 at 6:07 am

I’m 6 foot tall and I always act a little crazy just so they don’t get any ideas. LOL! It’s been working fine thus far. HA!
OXOX,
Kim
Kim @ Homesteader’s Heart´s last blog post ..Tackling the Shoe and Hat Problem!

Christopher August 7, 2013 at 10:06 am

Since I don’t have to deal with flirtation–wanted or unwanted–I don’t have a good answer for dealing with it, but I am sorry your neighbor declined dinner. Atlanta has some fantastic restaurants. There’s a great seafood place near the aquarium. I just can’t go there without worrying that I’m eating one of the exhibits.
Christopher´s last blog post ..A Word From Arthur C. Clarke.

Karen McDermott August 7, 2013 at 1:13 pm

I’m not married, but this is a problem even with boyfriends – and even with what you thought was a safely un-cute boyfriend. Ugliness is no protection so you might as well nab a cute one!

Jo H. August 8, 2013 at 12:12 am

Unwanted flirtation … I talk a lot about my martial arts training, my hobbies of knife throwing, bear hunting, and gardening exotic plants, and then I offer to make them a “special” drink to take with us while we target practice at a remote location.

Works every time!!

Shashi @ http://runninsrilankan.com August 8, 2013 at 8:17 am

I hopped on over from SITS and this post is hilarious! Thanks so much for my morning laugh!
I cannot wait to read more….
Shashi @ http://runninsrilankan.com´s last blog post ..Mango & Apricot Yogurt Scones

Jamie August 9, 2013 at 9:53 am

I have had other women actually proposition my husband (while he was wearing his wedding ring!) so I feel your frustration! I usually deal with it by making it known that we live on several acres of land in the middle of almost nowhere and have a bear and coyotes living in the neighborhood… If I were to kill someone and drop them in the back 40, there’d be no evidence left to connect me to the body by the time anyone found it. If they ever found it at all…

When said very calmly, but with a slightly maniacal gleam in one’s eye, I have found it to do the trick every time. :)

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