My dog is a vegetarian

June 18, 2014

  My best friend betrayed me. Again. It began so innocently. It always does. I just wanted to grow some strawberries. ‘Cause me likes strawberries. Lots. (I speak poorly when I’m hungry.) So…I planted strawberries. A whole bunch of ‘em. Last summer. I got ONE strawberry last year, but LOTS more grew this year! Oh, the […]

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Honk if you love traffic jams.

June 11, 2014

Lately, there have been a lot of traffic jams in our neighborhood. We don’t mind, because they are caused by this: The geese shepherd their goslings across the street every evening. Climbing up that curb takes a lot of time when you have tiny webbed feet. Even though it’s rush hour, everyone waits patiently. No […]

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Is that a duck driving my boat?

June 4, 2014

They say the second happiest day of your life is when you get a boat. The MOST happiest day of your life is when you sell your boat. I decided to buy a boat for my guy. Because I like to make him happy. Problem is, which boat? Shall I go with the boat from […]

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Hello June, goodbye waistline.

May 28, 2014

In my house, June heralds CATASTROPHE. We have four birthdays in two weeks. Oh, the cake. The calories. The hedonistic gorging on all things bad for you. Not good for the waistline. Or the cholesterol. Or the shorts. This year, I will walk to the bakery. I will fight off cougars and mountain lions with my […]

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Take two waffles and call me in the morning.

May 21, 2014

Yesterday, I ate two waffles for breakfast. It heralded a “normal” day. “Normal” departed after I put away the dirty dishes. Turns out, a new pet snuck into the house. Believe me, this “pet” was HUGE. He could barely fit under a juice glass. Like any good mother, I ran away. When I returned, something […]

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My husband doesn’t like it when I dress like Khal Drogo.

May 14, 2014

Spring is dangerous. All of the beautiful flowers fill you with inspiration. Now that winter is over, you start to believe you can do anything. You agree to ridiculous things, like writing four books in six months. You start drinking coffee. The caffeine zooms your typing speed into the stratosphere. You write two books. You […]

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I ran over my dog and she still loves me.

May 7, 2014

Twenty times a day, I run over my dog …because she sits RIGHT behind my desk chair. The near-misses and actual collisions have produced much anxiety for me and the dog. So, I decided to get her a nice, fluffy bed to enjoy at a safe distance from my chair. She *HATES* the doggy bed […]

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Don’t trust a guy with a water bottle in his pocket.

April 30, 2014

A few months ago, there was an “incident” when our team visited another school. Things got a bit, um, rowdy in the stands. I was pretty sure they’d forgive and forget. I was wrong. This time around, we had to sit in the “naughty” section of the stadium. I was embarrassed. Ashamed. And confused by […]

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You say artsy, I say fartsy.

April 23, 2014

Mother Nature loathes me. Frankly, I think she’s jealous of my beauty. I look pretty darn hot if you take off your glasses. To punish me, she’s throwing rain and cold temps our way. Ha. Do your worst, Mother Nature. I can take it. My daughter, however, can’t. Guess which one is mine: So, if […]

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I didn’t trip and show my underwear.

April 16, 2014

Prom approaches…which means unexpected pimples. Sweaty armpits. Awkward silences. Dance floor discomfort. However, I’m happy to report that my kid found a dress. Yippee! How ’bout we venture down Memory Lane to my prom? It was only ten years ago. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hah. Here we go…and yes, my date wore a […]

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