Don’t eat birdseed.

by Lynn on January 7, 2015

It’s REALLY cold right now.
So I decided to stop at the local birdseed shop.
Might be nice to feed the brave little birdies who stay for the winter.

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Wait.
What does the sign say?

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Well, alrighty then.
Remind me to never, ever eat here.

Happy NEW YEAR!!!

 

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I resolve to stop running over my dog.

by Lynn on December 31, 2014

In 2015, I’d like to stop running over my dog.
She lies right behind my desk chair, so every time I back up…YELP!

So I bought her a new bed.
This bed is EXACTLY like her boo-boo bed.
She LOVES her boo-boo bed. It’s downstairs in her crate.

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She doesn’t like her new “office” bed.
In fact, I had to leash her so she wouldn’t keep running away from it.
After a while, I finally picked her up and placed her in the new bed.

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Not happy.

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She left ASAP.
I cajoled. I pleaded.
I sang. I waved treats in the air.

Nothin’.

So I scooped her up (again),
and squished her into the new bed.

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Ahhh.
Doesn’t she look content?

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This post brought to you by Sheltie Moms.
We have weird dogs.

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Merry Christmas!!

by Lynn on December 24, 2014

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Wishing you a merry Christmas!

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Who melted on my floor?

by Lynn on December 17, 2014

We are ready for Christmas.

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It kind of looks like an elf went nuts in here.

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There are snowmen, everywhere.

‘Cuz I collect ‘em.
‘Cuz they always smile.
‘Cuz they make me happy.

There are non-snowmen displays, too.

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However, I’m a bit concerned.
There is water on my kitchen floor.
Is it from an ice cube? A leaky pipe? Or…

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…a melting snowman????

 

 

 

 

 

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My illicit affair with Santa Claus

by Lynn on December 10, 2014

My husband isn’t happy about my obsession with Kris Kringle
…or the “elfies” I take with Santa every time I see him.

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This post is meant to assure my husband he has nothing to worry about.
For one, Santa has a LOT more wrinkles than my spouse.

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Oh, Santa. This summer, please use sunblock.
Perhaps we should also talk about Santa’s struggle with his glasses.

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I’m charmed by Santa’s white beard,
but sometimes he waits too long between trips to the barber.

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And then there are just some days when Santa looks…frightening.

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See?
So don’t worry, honey.
You’re the best-looking guy I know.

Love,
Lynn Kringle
Oops! I meant to write Lynn Kellan

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The post brought to you by Wives Obsessed With Santa.
It’s a seasonal disease.

 

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How to look cute for Christmas

by Lynn on December 3, 2014

Looking cute is important, especially if you want someone to take you home.
This time of year, EVERYONE wants you to take them home
…and wrap ‘em up in festive paper and bows.
Sounds fun, right?

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After extensive research at my local Costco, I found the secret.
The key to winning someone’s heart is BIG eyes.

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The bigger the eyes, the better.
If you don’t want to spend Christmas morning alone,
make your eyes BIG…bigger than your cheeks, if possible.

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I certainly don’t want to spend Xmas alone.
I want Santa to take me home, but my current appearance won’t work.

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Thanks to a little plastic surgery,
I’ve increased my chances of a merry Christmas…

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Ho Ho…Holy cow I look amazing!

or…

Ho Ho…Horrifying?

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Thinking of you…

by Lynn on November 26, 2014

 

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I’m so thankful for…YOU!

Happy Thanksgiving.

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Merry Halloween!

by Lynn on November 19, 2014

I’m all messed up.
I missed Halloween while I promoted my book.

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By gosh, I won’t miss Christmas…so I’m starting early.

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Unfortunately, the store had only LEFT boots on sale,
but I managed to make the left boot look sexy AND creepy at the same time.

I decided to get this, instead…

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No, this isn’t a “selfie.”
It’s an “elfie.”

And, of course, we need this…

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Oh, just one more thing…

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Let’s not tell my husband about these purchases, okay?
He loves surprises.

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This post brought to you by Delusional Wives.
We shouldn’t eat candy while we shop.

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College is better without homework

by Lynn on November 12, 2014

How do you celebrate a wedding anniversary without spending a ton of money?
My husband and I decided to go back to college, tuition free!
We travelled north along the Susquehanna River
and spotted Lady Liberty:

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A local lawyer and an artist built a replica of Lady Liberty
to celebrate the statue’s centennial in the 1980s.
It’s really cool to see the replica.

My husband and I  were inspired to replicate our first meeting:

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Looks romantic, right?
We met on this street near my old dorm and his fraternity.
Back then, I had a ton of homework, so I said hello and went to the library.
(Well, not really, but that’s what I’m telling my parents and my kids.)

Now that we’re married with kids, we don’t have to study microeconomics.
So, we enjoyed the campus. Of course, we had to go golfing…

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We took a moonlit stroll…

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Then we had a great dinner, watched TV, and didn’t go near the library.
Sometimes, being over 30 is much better than being a college kid.

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This post brought to you by Old People Who Think They Look Like College Kids.
Please don’t call us “Sir” or “Ma’am.”

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My husband’s secret life

by Lynn on November 5, 2014

I realized my husband was living a secret life in Kmart.
Because  devastating secrets are found in the costume aisle.
You see, I thought my husband was a geeky scientist, but he’s also…

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…a Halloween wig model!
Ohmygosh, this explains all the extra cash in his wallet.

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Apparently, sticking a comb in my husband’s wig makes him REALLY happy.
And look! This is how my husband looked when I met him in college:

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What a hunk, right?
This next picture boosted my estrogen levels:

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Honey, please wear that wig tonight and all is forgiven.

Love,
Your groupie

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This post is brought to you by Women Who Love 1980’s Rock Stars.
You rock our world…especially when you unload the dishwasher.

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