Walking while I write

by Lynn on March 30, 2016

I walk on the treadmill while I write.
That way, I feel like I’m going somewhere,
even if my manuscript is going NO WHERE!

Lately, my dog has been joining me as I write.
Which begs an important question…

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If the answer is YES,
then I don’t have to walk her in the rain today.

Please advise.

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Yes, marketing DOES work!
I bought this jar purely because of the label.

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Aside from shopping for pickles,
I’ve been obsessed with finding a prom dress.
For my daughter. Not for me. Because I don’t have a prom date. YET.

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After I did so much shopping,
I decided to do some healthy baking at home.
I tried a recipe for cauliflower pizza dough because
I wanted to see if I could turn bread into a vegetable.

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It kinda worked!
The texture isn’t bad.
And all of the onion/garlic tastes good.
So, in conclusion, bread CAN be a vegetable
…if you smear it with half of a stick of butter.

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This post brought to you by Miracles.
Tomorrow, I’m going to turn cauliflower into CAKE.

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Why I will NEVER go to the library EVER AGAIN.

by Lynn on February 17, 2016

Friends, do not look for me in the library.
Because I saw something sooooo disturbing,
I will never, EVER, return to the stacks.

Are you ready?

Deep breath.

Okay.

Here goes.

college

I’m on my way to get my college kid RIGHT NOW.

Love,
L.Kel.

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Goodbye, resolutions.

by Lynn on February 10, 2016

Here’s an important update on
my new year’s resolutions:

exercise

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Love,
Lynn Kellan,
former exerciser
current chocoholic

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Welcome to NOT tennis weather

by Lynn on February 3, 2016

Did you know I like to play tennis?
Yep, love it. I especially love to make my opponents cry.
However, this time of year, I’m reluctant to pick up a racquet.

Because of this:

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Not to mention, this:

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And so, in conclusion, heretofore, etc., etc., etc.,
tennis season is postponed for 15 weeks.

Thank you very much.

Love,
L.Kel.

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How NOT to pet your dog

by Lynn on January 27, 2016

Hello.
I got a weird present.

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I think the Pet Petter will come in handy
when I visit my brother’s huge Irish Wolfhound next Christmas.

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I’m hoping that maybe it’ll stop me
from making these weird faces.

Or maybe not. Probably not. Okay, never.
I’m always going to ham it up for the camera.

It’s good to know your weaknesses, right?

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I can ride my new dog.

by Lynn on January 20, 2016

I’m mad at my dog.
Because of THIS:

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She sticks her tongue out at me!
How rude, crude, and socially unacceptable.

I’ve had enough of this behavior.
I officially pronounce that I’m getting a NEW dog.
Here she is:

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Notice how well behaved she is?

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And she’s fluffy, too.

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I think she’ll be a welcome addition to our living room.
And we’ll NEVER have to cut the grass, again!

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This post brought to you by insane women.
Please teach our dogs some manners.

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In honor of 2016,
we are offering something VERY valuable…

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Please dress appropriately
when you cross the street to get your air…

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In other words, wear too-long sleeves,
no pants, and a top hat.

While we’re talking about proper attire,
please dress your snowmen warmly.

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Scarves and snowman sweaters will do.

In conclusion,
please have a wonderful 2016.

Love,
Lynn 🙂

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Why do dogs have eyebrows?

by Lynn on December 23, 2015

Why do dogs have eyebrows?

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My dog doesn’t need them.
She NEVER frowns, because I’m sooo super nice.
Which is what I told Santa when I saw him in the mall.

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He didn’t believe me.
I didn’t believe he used enough conditioner on his beard.
Soooo, I found another Santa and tried to explain that I’ve been nice.

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He looked too darned surprised at my story.
Sooooo, I found another Santa at the grocery store.

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He couldn’t hear a word I said because of all his hair.
In fact, he didn’t hear anything I said this year,
which is why I gave him my wish list.

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Wishing you a happy, merry, joyful Christmas!

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Scrouge invented final exams

by Lynn on December 16, 2015

This is FINAL EXAM WEEK for my college kid.
Like any good mother, I asked Santa to bring her some easy tests.

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He refused my request and gave me a soulless stare.
I found another Santa and asked for his help.

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He refused my request and asked for directions to the nearest toy store.
I found ANOTHER Santa and asked for his help.

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He agreed to help, because he was afraid I’d eat the pom-pom on his hat.

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This post brought to you by Moms.
We will do anything for our kids.

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